Ya know, the time I anxiously wait for every month hoping and praying it is finally THE month. Wes and I are going on vacation next week and I wanted to have enough time to contact the doctor and get some blood tests done and hopefully a sonogram done IF I were pregnant before we left town. I let my mind win. So I gave in and took a pregnancy test this morning. It was negative. I hate this time of month because all month I try to prepare myself and get a check on my emotions and then like usual my emotions go crazy. I hate it! I hate what I do to myself! I hate even caring sometimes! I tell myself I'll be strong if I'm not pregnant this month, I'm not going to cry, I'll be fine with the results....all the while I keep lieing to myself.
Yes I am venting. Really all I need are prayers today....which I can def. count on from you...so thank you.
For ONE month I would like to make a goal and reach it to where....I would like to be strong enough to not think about it, not care, not talk about it, not dream about it, not care if one of my friends gets pregnant and I don't, not care how much I love babies and would love to have one of my own, to not cry at all when the "witch" shows her face, just to try and live like I don't care if I have a baby or not.
Sometimes I feel like the hope I have been holding onto for SO long...is simply just a thread that I'm clinging to.
What I would give to never see a kleenex again on these days.
Sorry for the downer post today....this is just the barely holding on, being honest Tonya. I know there are people out there that are going through so much worse. I'm being selfish today.
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2 comments:
Just relax and let God do it when he's supposed to I know it's gotta be easier said than done but I think your creating too much stress for yourself dont dwell on it, it will happen :)
philippians 4:6-7 " Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by the prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. 7. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
JUST A QUICK SCRIPTURE FOR YOU 1SAMUEL1:27 fOR THIS CHILD I PRAYED AND THE lORD HAS GRANTED ME MY PETITION WHICH I ASKED OF HIM. I KNOW IT IS HARD BUT YOU JUST HAVE TO LEAN ON THE lORD A LOT DURING THIS TIME. LOVE YA, CINDY
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