Hope does NOT disappoint

I know it's been a while. I'm not even sure I'm ever going to blog again....BUT....just in case you were lead here because you are facing infertility or sadly, a miscarriage....I want you to have HOPE. A lot of my past posts were written while I was waiting on God to bless me with a baby and some even while I faced a miscarriage. So to make it easier for those of you who are wanting to just read my "Hope" posts I've made a label called "Hope does NOT disappoint". You can find it on the right hand column under "Labels" or you can click this link here. After you go to that label you'll need to scroll to the bottom and click older posts so you can start from the very beginning of my journey of hope. If you would like to contact me for prayers or just some encouraging words, I'd LOVE to talk with you and pray with you. You can contact me at tonya_tab@yahoo.com.

Praying God’s Word, One Week at a Time

Today, as I was reading my friend Shelley’s blog, she shared a blog she was following. She follows The Poe Family. The writer of that blog, Brittney, came up with an idea to help her pray the Word this year. I think it is a fabulous idea. I firmly believe God leads us (our eyes, feet, etc.) to things He wants us to witness. I have mentioned that I am praying for a change in my family. That we all grow closer to God and together…by prayer, in the Word, in our actions, etc. I am so excited to have found this idea (Thanks Shelley and Brittney!).
Brittney began by sitting down and writing out some topics that she wanted to pray about. She then found scriptures to go along with each topic and made a note of that scripture beside each topic. At the beginning of each month she chooses 4 – 5 topics (depending on the number of weeks in that particular month). If you would like to see Brittney’s topics and learn more about this idea you can go here to her blog.


I am choosing to use Brittney’s topics as examples but I really want this to be personal for me so I am going to pray and come up with what God wants ME to pray for specifically. All of us are different and what I may really want God to do in a certain area, you may need help in another. I think it is exciting to think about how God will reveal himself to me in different ways throughout the year.

My favorite scripture right now is Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”

If we are not asking, how can we receive? If we are not seeking, then how in the World are we going to find? Too often we pray, but do we believe that prayer is really going to be answered? Do we make ANY effort to dig into the Word and find THE answer we are looking for? I am preaching to myself! Psalm 119:105 “Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” How can we have direction if we don’t look for it in His Word?

Running behind

It seems like I have been running behind on things since Christmas. Brady's been sick with a cold for what seems 2 months now. He's finally kicking it, thank goodness. I'm hoping he doesn't catch anything else for a while now. He was about over one cold when I gave him another so it's been awful lately. I've been behind on my blogging, reading other blogs, participating in Wake Up Wednesday (I've REALLY been missing out on that), housework. It's just all a mess around here. But I'm hoping things will start to get better this month.

Oh, another thing I've been behind on is uploading pictures of Brady on here. Sorry guys. He's growing so much. He has 2 bottom teeth now. I am trying not to compare him with other babies around me but sometimes it's hard. I know he'll do things on his own time and I'm enjoying him as much as I can right now. He will be running around destroying the house before I know it. Here's one picture of my little sweet Brady Bug. He LOVES the dishwasher. I just hope his love for the dishwasher continues when he's older.



Well, my fasting is over. If you are just now reading about this, I fasted with my church for 21 days this month. I gave up some things in my life to spend more time with God. I needed Him to direct me in some decisions I needed to make. I really feel like God is leading me to change churches so we can go as a family. I have not announced it officially, but this coming Sunday will be my last Sunday at Word of Grace. That is, unless God answers my prayers and Wes decides to start going there with me, Brady, and Logan. If you would, please pray with me that happens or God will direct our paths to the perfect church for us. I'm really praying that miracle happens. It's hard leaving this church. I'm going to miss everyone so much. But it's not always easy obeying God. So, I'm going to obey and trust that our family will be turned around this year and draw closer to God.

Well, I better get off here. I'm behind enough as it is. Thanks in advance for your prayers. I also hope that you guys aren't as behind as I am. I thought this being a stay-at-home mom thing would be easier. I thought I'd have a clean house and laundry done all the time. Boy was I wrong. I need some motivation!

21 Days of Fasting, Part 1

This week is the first week of my 21 days of fasting. I shared some personal stuff about it here. I must say, I thought I would be in prayer for direction on the possible church change all 21 days but God has really been doing some work elsewhere. I mean, I’ve been praying about the direction on the possible church change; but I’ve also been praying for other things in my life that God has placed on my heart.
I have decided to keep a journal (in the form of blog posts) about my fasting. I think it will be awesome to take a look back here in a month, a year, or however long and see what amazing things God has done because of my fasting. When I write, I write what comes to mind as if I were speaking. Sometimes, I don’t think before I talk/write so some things may sound differently than how I really feel or what I really meant to say. In no way am I trying to take credit for anything that happens. I give ALL the credit and glory to God. I also believe that prayers are answered regardless if you fast or not, but fasting certainly shows God you are committed to see change and are serious.
Day 4 of 21 Update:
A friend of mine shared with me a book that she had done as a Bible Study. It’s called Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes. I quickly ordered this from Amazon and decided to start on another book while I waited for Becoming the Woman of His Dreams to arrive in the mail. (Side note: I got this book in the mail today and have started it. It is AWESOME and look forward to sharing some things about it later. Perhaps, after the fast. I’m not sure.) The book I have started is The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian. I have to admit that I started this book a long time ago but never finished it. I really want to finish it this time because I feel like I need to learn some things when it comes to prayer. I have learned that praying needs to start with ME. I need to really take a look at myself and cleanse myself of all sins and ask God to show me places that I need to change. This includes forgiveness. I will not go into details, but last year I faced some really hurtful times with a couple of my family members. I wrote a letter to them and asked for forgiveness and had never heard back from them. It has been around 8 months since this happened. Since that time I had prayed for them and for Him to help mend the relationship. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes. But we should always be quick to forgive. I had peace that I had forgiven and had moved on….waiting for God to help them to forgive ME. Well, on day 3 of my fast (just before reading the chapter of forgiveness in POAPW) I received a letter from one of the people I had hurt and forgiven. She apologized and has forgiven me as well. Praise God!
So my fasting has taken a different path than I thought it would originally. I know that there are going to be obstacles in the way during these 21 days but I also know that God has already done great things and will continue to do so. I really feel refreshed and closer to God. I pray that I continue to be committed to Him and will keep these prayer and reading habits even after the 21 days are over.

Wake Up Wednesday, Week 2

If you’re wondering what is Wake Up Wednesday, you need to head on over to I Am Momma, Hear Me Roar. She has started this weekly challenge and I’m loving it. We’ve only done it for one week but I can’t wait to continue this every week. I hope it lasts all year and I can participate that long. I’m sure some weeks will be really challenging on the pride and imagination but I look forward to it. I MUST tell you that this is not to be showy or to brag but to just be examples of ways we can be good to those around us. So please do not take this negatively.

Our first challenge was given to us last Wednesday and we had all week to fulfill it. We were to choose one person we knew but not very well and make something for them. I prayed and thought about it and really felt like I chose the right person and made the right gifts. I chose a young woman who I go to church with. I know her but not very well. She seems to be pretty quiet and reserved (shy). Her husband is deployed and she is pregnant with their first child (a girl). I know she loves turquoise and pink so I chose to give her one of the necklaces I made that had those colors.

But to do a little something extra I gave her a bonus gift. I made her a cake that is so yummy it should be a sin to eat it. Seriously. It’s called a Honeybun Cake and I found the recipe here at Tasty Kitchen. I made this for Christmas and it got GREAT reviews so I decided to make it for Jiny. And what pregnant girl doesn’t LOVE cake?! I mean, really?!

Ok, looking at that picture makes me want to whip me a cake up real fast. I could eat the whole thing it is so good. So I better not go to the store tonight.

Our challenge this week is to give at least 5 people, or more, a compliment. I think this sounds really fun. Who doesn’t love a compliment?

I really hope you will consider joining us for Wake Up Wednesday. It can be a humbling experience. I think this is a great way to start out my year. If you do join us, I would love for you to leave me a comment and share your experiences (if you don’t blog about it).

Wake Up Wednesday

I am SO excited about the future Wednesday’s this year. Do you want to know why? Well…..it’s because Cheri over at I Am Momma Hear Me Roar (yeah, I love her and have mentioned her many times before) has started a new Wednesday challenge. It’s called Wake Up Wednesday and you can read about her idea and why she chose to get this started HERE. So today is the very first Wake Up Wednesday and I am so excited! Those that are participating are supposed to make something this week (food, crafts, etc) for someone we know but not that well. I can’t wait to pray about this and see who God has in mind for me and what I should make. We will be linking up next Wednesday and sharing our story. What a great way to start out the year. I hope you will head on over to Cheri’s blog and read all about this great idea….then join us!

Lead Me, My Next Journey of Hope

I wrote this post, as you can see, last month. I feel it is time to post it. If you don't like posts without pictures, then this is not the post for you. I take this topic I'm posting about very seriously.

It’s 1:00 in the morning (12/9/10) and I just can’t sleep. As I was in bed contemplating whether to get up or not, God gave me this blog post. I’m starting it but I’m not sure when I’ll post it. Maybe today, maybe in a few weeks. Please know that I’m about to share personal stuff and if you’re not comfortable, then please read no further. Oh, and this will be lengthy with no pictures.
If you listen to KLOVE on the radio or any other Christian radio station in your area, you have heard Lead Me by Sanctus Real. (If you click on that link you can hear the song, watch the video, hear the story behind the song, and read a prayer.) The words are powerful.

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They’re just children from the outside
I’m working hard, I tell myself they’ll be fine
They’re independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying…

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I’m called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won’t You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can’t
Don’t want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I’ll show them I’m willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone

Father, lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone

So this brings me to my next Journey of Hope. I have been on the fence about sharing this with any of you readers, but like I said I felt God wants me to write this post. For the last 2 years I have been going to church alone. Well, I’ll take Logan and Brady with me but my husband stays home. To protect his privacy I will not go into why he chose to quit going to the church I go to. I realize that you can go to church all you want and not be a follower of Christ. I also realize you can not go to church at all and be the most faithful follower of Christ. I personally believe for myself that I HAVE to go to church. I NEED it, desperately. It helps me to stay on the right track. It feeds my soul. I love my church and church family. They have been so supportive of me. When I need prayer, they’re there. When I lost my first baby, they were there praying for me, comforting me, “feeding” me. I would say, for the first year after my husband quit going, I thought he’d come back. But this last year I have been feeling torn. Do I leave so we can go to church somewhere else as a family? Or…. Do I stay here because I feel comfortable here and enjoy my church? I feel God is giving me an answer. I feel like it’s almost time to move on. But where?!!! And is it really time for me to make a change?

Every January our church has done a 21 day fast. If you’re not familiar with fasting, you can click this link to get a description. I discussed with Wes that I will stay at my current church till the end of January. When the fast is over. I will be fasting for direction on where we should go and to be sure that I should leave my current church for sure. I just need peace about my decision. I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere where God is not in the decision.

My husband has never pressured me to quit going BUT has stated that he is willing to try any other church. So, this is my prayer….That God will LEAD ME and my family to the best church for OUR family. I pray God leads us to the church where Brady will be safe and loved in the nursery, where Logan will make friends easily and enjoy his classes, where Wes will feel comfortable and want to be involved, and where I can eventually join the choir or help with Praise and Worship.

My desire is for our family to be changed. My desire is to be a family that prays together, reads the Word together, and lives the Word together. If me leaving my church is the first step, then I am willing. I’ll go wherever God wants me to go. I need to quit being selfish. At times I felt it was my husband that was the selfish one. But now, I’m not so sure. I want to open my ears and listen to God. I want to be still for once….and listen. And then….

I’ll say Yes, Lord, yes, to Your will and to Your way

Yes, Lord, yes, I will trust You and obey

When Your Spirit speaks to me, with my whole heart I'll agree

And my answer will be yes, Lord, yes!

 

So I ask you, if you are a follower of Christ, please pray with me. Pray for my family and the direction God wants us to go. Pray that He will lead us to the perfect church for our family.
If any of my current church family is reading this, please do not get sad or hurt. My final decision has not been made. I’m waiting on God for that. Just pray that God Leads US.

Today:
I'm STILL feeling torn about this decision. I spoke to my pastor VERY briefly Sunday morning and after we spoke I just felt so confused. I KNOW without a doubt God will give me the direction and answers but I hope that I'm still and quiet enough to hear Him. Please pray with me. I will start our church fast this coming Sunday, January 10th. I pray that during these 21 days God will give me the directions I'm seeking...whether to stay or to go...and if GO....then WHERE?!