Want a free photo book???

What a great deal! I just opened my email up this morning and found one from Shutterfly and they are giving away a FREE, yes I said FREE (20 page) 8 x 8 Story Book. This is a $29.99 value. What is a Story Book you may be asking....well, go here and you'll see. Now don't forget, if you want one of these FREE (20 page) 8 x 8 Story Books you have to use the Promo Code: PHOTOBOOKS and this promo expires March 10, 2009. So if you have some pictures you want to cherish forever or maybe someone's birthday is coming up.....this would be a GREAT item to get for FREE.

Now, there was an * next to this in my email so here are the terms and conditions!

"* Free 8x8 photo book includes initial set of 20 pages. All incremental pages will be charged on a per page rate. Licensed premium photo books, Martha Stewart books, Creating Keepsakes books, Adventure books and leather and padded photo books are not included in this reward. Taxes, shipping and handling charges will apply."

So Happy Thursday to everyone and enjoy! I'm off to go start my free 20 page photo book now. What a way to start out my Thursday!...when really I should be working.

Boy I need help

Haha, I just noticed I posted this "poor me, I need to work out" post to follow right after my post about my "oh so yummy trip to Maggie Moo's ice cream".

*shaking head*

But don't we all get like this? We are a - I want to eat what I want but don't want to be fat - kind of person, right?

Will you seriously help me pray about my motivation? I need a goal and I need God's help. That's for sure. *smile*

Happy Hump Day!

I wish I had a Jillian or Bob

For the past few years now I have followed the lives of several overweight people. Biggest Loser has become one of my favorite reality shows. I think it is so amazing to watch these people transform their bodies. It really makes me wish I had a Jillian or a Bob to help me get my body in shape! I miss working out but, for me, it's hard to do when I don't have anyone to work out with. Well, I have a friend that is currently working out at the local gym. BUT I want someone that will crack the whip and MAKE me stay there and sweat and really work hard.

I miss the good o' days when I didn't have to worry about what I ate or all the cokes I drank.

I miss the good o' days when I had my sweet friend Courtney here to go sweat it out at the gym. Courtney would always encourage me. She was different than me. She had been athletic in school, so the motivation to get to the gym came easier for her. Then she had to go off and get married and move to Mississippi.

I need someone who will gripe at me if I try to whine my way out of not going. I need someone to get in there and sweat with me.

Where is my Jillian or Bob....or better yet, Courtney?....Court? You reading this? Texas is missing you!

Below is a picture of me and Courtney during the time we were working out. Geez! How sad! Look how skinny and young I look. *sigh*

Weekend Recap

I love my Valentine! Ok, I'll try not to get too mushy on here. How did my weekend go?

Well let's see. First, Friday night a few of us from our Young Adult group from church decided to check out the local hockey team. For the majority of the game I sat talking to my friend and my sister and kept my head in the motion of the puck. I had to look like I was actually following the game, whether I was or not. Oh and when I say "majority", that meant about 99% of the time. ha! Yeah, sorry, but hockey is not my thing. At least not in this little city where the refs won't let the players fight. I mean come on! Isn't that the reason that most people go watch hockey anyways? I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.

Afterwards was my FAVORITE part of Friday. Jessica, Joey and I went to Maggie Moo's. And what is Maggie Moo's you might be asking??? It is a yummmy little place with cows all around you. ha! No, not literally but there are the logos with Maggie the cow. Maggie Moo's is a new ice cream place here in town. I would say it is very similar to Marble Slab or Cold Stone. Oh my goodness. I walked into a place that I would consider to be like that candy land on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You have almost any kind of options you could ever imagine to fulfill your ice cream cravings. Starting from what flavor of ice cream you want down to the yummy insides. For instance, you could choose teddy grahams, butterfinger candy bar pieces, gummy bears, caramel, and marshmallows just to name a few. And what was my choice? Oh my goodness!! I had cotton candy ice cream with sprinkles, mini marshmallows and marshmallow cream. It was absolutely de-li-ci-ous! What a great way to start out a who-cares-what-I-eat-I'm-just-going-to-splurge kind of weekend!

Next was my Valentines getaway with my honey. Since we had such an awful month last month we decided it would be nice to have a weekend getaway and what better weekend than Valentine's. Wes let me pick out the place but I had to pick a place that was not too far away, hadn't stayed before, and that had a hotel branch of the Hilton. So I chose Abilene and we stayed at the Hilton Gardens. And by the looks of it, this was a brand new hotel. Very nice. All I can say is I can't wait to have another weekend getaway. I'm already planning for one in April (for my birthday) But shhh! Don't tell Wes. ha!

We didn't want to be filled with timelines so we took it easy. The first thing was a massage. It had been a few months since I had a massage and boy was this the time I needed one. It was awesome. If you are ever going to Abilene, email me and I'll give you my recommendation of the spa. I could seriously have a professional massage every week. But who couldn't?! As far as food choices, we chose Arby's for lunch, Outback for dinner, and Sunday's lunch was Carino's. And for a special treat for our drive back home, I bought us Starbuck's latte's. Yuuummmy!

It felt really good to get away and spend some quality time with my husband. He really is a huge blessing in my life. He knows how to make me laugh. He knows how to spoil me. He knows how to love me. He knows how to be my friend.

For my single readers.....God has THE ONE for you. I believe that without a doubt. I want you to focus on trusting God for the direction He wants you to go. If you will trust Him 100% then you will be amazed when that special person will come right along. I know you've heard it probably a million times but really hear me on this. TRUST GOD! Pray on ways that God wants you to really trust Him. There may be things God wants you to give up, ways to clear your mind, other things to focus your attention on. If you've read a previous post, I did this last year when my mind was so consumed with getting pregnant. God hears our prayers. Just trust Him.

Here is a scripture for you and ALL of us who are waiting on our desires to be fulfilled...

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…" Psalms 37:5-7

What about you? Did you have a good weekend?

Happy Monday!

Why "really" love on just ONE day a year?

Growing up with a relationship with God I have often heard this scripture many, many times.

1st Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

What a scripture to be able to stand on?! And what a scripture to live up to. I don't know if you think like me but I look at this and think "love is definitely work!" This scripture doesn't just apply to our spouses but also on how we treat each other, our love for one another. There are moments where I am having a bad day and I just don't feel like "loving" the person in the car ahead of me who just cut me off. And how hard is it to "love" that someone who just came walking in with that item you've told them you've been saving for but they went out and bought it themselves. (This didn't happen to me, just using it as an example.) It's hard to love that person that is always right, never wrong. It's sometimes hard to love that person who treated you so bad or said something that really hurt you. But as the scripture says above, no matter what, we are to love.

So as Valentine's Day is approaching it made me think about the word "love". Not just the love I have for my husband, for Logan, my friends, and family but also for the people that I pass every day. There may be a person that I work beside, pass by at the grocery store, stand in the elevator with, etc. that I have NO idea what battle they are up against. I have been praying that God opens my eyes and allows me to see when someone around me needs to be shown love. Often times I am in such a hurry to get here or there that I don't pay attention to who or what is going on around me. I get so caught up in my own life.

Even little things can show love, such as opening a door for someone or just a simple smile. Just this week I was waiting to have more blood work done and across from me was an older couple and the wife was waiting to have blood work done also. I had about 3 people waiting in front of me and the older couple was behind me. Well I kept overhearing the man complaining about the wait time, which really wasn't near as bad as his stomach was letting him think. (It was lunch time) So when it was almost time for me to get my blood drawn I decided to go switch numbers with them and let them go. Now, I don't want to sound like I'm all wonderful and everything but I see this as a little stepping stone that God placed on my heart. He hears my prayers. He is opening my eyes! I had to giggle because it made the wife so happy but the man, the one complaining, didn't say a word. God bless his hungry stomach. Heehee

As I was sitting in my car after lunch today I picked up my Bible and read this scripture again. I noticed a little box on the side that said In Depth and it did just what it said. It went more in depth about this scripture. One line really stood out to me. I want to remember this line when I think about love for now on....it said "This kind of love is a giving, selfless, expect-nothing-in-return kind of love." Wow!

I pray that God continues to open my eyes and that He shows me how & who to love.

With much love and prayers for all of you who read this!
Tonya

Sure, go ahead and poke my arm one more time...

***UPDATE***My hCG number has started going down. When I got the shot last Wednesday it was 690, Friday it went up but the nurse said that is normal and today it is 637. I am doing just fine. I feel positive and just so blessed that I can feel that way because of God.***

Today I go back to the lab to have more blood work done. Last Monday the doctor said my hCG number had gone up to a 496. Just when I had already began to cope with the thought of miscarrying he was telling me I was going through a tubal pregnancy. Ugh. When would it stop? When would I begin to go on with my life again? BUT that's when God stepped in...that night peace was all around me. So I decided to go ahead and get a Methotrexate shot that the doctor had recommended. This medicine is often used for cancer patients but he reassured me that they use this all the time for tubal pregnancies and they give it at a much lower dose. So after praying and feeling peace about it I chose to get the shot on Wednesday. The doctor said I would still need to come and have blood work done until my hCG number went back to zero.

So today I will hopefully get good news that my number is going down and not back up. Oh Lord, please give me peace as I wait on the results.

This will be my 7th time to get blood taken in the same arm. Oh my. So yes...sure, go ahead and poke my arm one more time....I'm getting used to it.

I just have to add....I am forever grateful that God protected me and didn't allow for my tube to burst. He has watched over me and I am thankful. I serve a merciful God.

Ps 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.

Journey of Hope

I haven't blogged in a while; but for a few days now I had known I wanted to write about this subject. I've been putting it off because it seems I could write and write and write. You know me, always a talker. Maybe I'll need to have a Part 1, Part 2, etc. to get it all in there without you all going crazy with a lot to soak in on one visit. I want to try to do better at this blogging. Instead of just blogging about what things may be happening in my life on special occassions, I want to write about things from time to time that God places on my heart. I want Him to use me in any way He can. I want to use this as a journal of my Journey of Hope....

Have you noticed my blogsites name up in that little box at the top or the link you click on to get here? http://holdingon2myhope.blogspot.com/ Holding onto hope. That's me. That has been me for over 6 years now. For over 6 years I have yearned for a baby of my own. I do consider Logan my son but he's not "my" son. He's my stepson and I love him dearly. Many women, with a few exceptions, come to a point in there life where they feel like a child is the next step. Without going into too much detail, my dream of having a child was not always the same dream Wes had. I knew deep down in my soul that one day that would change. Instead of giving up on a marriage and a life I knew God had given me, I chose to pray and tried to be patient. I have always heard that "patience is a virtue". But patience is very difficult for most people to master, especially me. So instead of trying to focus on being patient, I focused on clinging onto Hope.

If you were to take a walk in my home, or look at my wrist, you'd see this word in different areas. HOPE

I thought it was interesting when I looked up the definition of Hope...1)to desire with expectation of obtainment or 2)to expect with confidence. So the word Hope means so much to me. Especially for the past 1 1/2 years, Hope has been all around me. Altho I wasn't pregnant, I had Hope that it would happen. A couple of verses here sums it up completely....

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Let us hold tightly without wavering to the HOPE we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Hebrews 10:23

To me, when I think of Hope, it goes right along with Trust and Faith.

So a month ago my Hope was fulfilled. God had answered my prayers! I never realized what He would begin to put me through a week later. But you know, when I found out I was pregnant and even before, I prayed that God would use this baby to reach out and to do good for Him. I didn't want a baby just for my benefit and to say I was a mother; but I wanted a child of God. A child that God could use for His glory and a child He would use to reach out to others that may not know Him. God knows what He is doing. He doesn't bring us to it and not get us through it. So when I began to have complications, yes I did get scared. I have faced so many emotions within the last month. Happy, sad, scared, hopeful, impatient, angry, bitter, jealous. I remember saying I was on a roller coaster ride. It wasn't till just a few days ago that instead of calling it my "roller coaster ride" I will now say it was just another piece of my journey of hope.

You know there have been many times where a friend or family member will ask me to pray for someone they know going through a difficult time. A total stranger but yet we are still brothers and sisters in Christ, and I would pray. I never dreamed that I would have total strangers praying for me like I had the last month. It revealed to me how wonderful God's grace and love is for me. ME! He loves me. He doesn't want to hurt me. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, never to harm you, but to give you a Hope and a future." Oh how many times have I said this verse over and over for the passed 6 years. This verse definately came more clear to me this last month.

So as I struggled for a good 3 weeks, I had so much pain. Yet, every day God worked to restore a little bit of Hope back in my life.

Last Monday night, Wes and I went out to my pastor's house. I just needed some peace. I hadn't been able to really pray in a few weeks. I needed God to just come down and wrap his arms around me. Clifton and Katrina have been such wonderful supporters in all this. And Wes. I can't even find the right words to express my love for him. He has been so supportive, so loving, so caring. My love for my husband has definately grown in the last few weeks. They all three prayed for me that God would give me some peace about this all. From that night on, the peace has not left. I have felt so peaceful and positive and I can pray again! God never left me. He was there the entire time. I drove home Tuesday after work and just began to cry. All these thoughts were coming to my mind....how thankful I was to be able to get out of bed and function, having a husband that loves me and cares about me and wants to try again, having a pastor and family that love me and prays for me constantly, having people MILES away that don't even know me praying for me, and the peace and positive feelings were all around me. How could this be? How could I even be feeling an ounce of peace? It's this simple.....God.

So, for all of you.....friends, family, total strangers....I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers, love and support. You'll never know how much I really appreciate you.

I am still holding onto my hope. I WILL have a baby to love and hold and raise to serve our loving and merciful God and it makes me so happy to even think about.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.Romans 15:13

Third Day...Tunnel

I won't pretend to know what you're thinking

I can't begin to know what you're going through

I won't deny the pain that you're feeling

But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you

Just remember what I've told you

There's so much you're living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel

There's a light at the end of this tunnel

For you, for you

So keep holdin' on

You've got your disappointments and sorrows

You ought to share the weight of that load with me

Then you will find that the light of tomorrow

Brings a new life for your eyes to see